Rant of the Unwanted

Finding my place is difficult. The world is so vast, so extensive.. I know not what to do about myself. I feel quite apart from others, especially those my age. Those who seem to not understand me, who I am, what I stand for, and what I enjoy... When will someone realize me as an individual?

Broken Wings of Butterflies

Sometimes I feel like a butterfly.. fragile and breaking free from the hold of things from my past. Yet, when I cant get a hold onto life, and I get brought down, my wings break...

Change in Attitude...

I no longer care to know what happened between that guy and his girl. I just don't care anymore. The drama is too much to handle either way, and life is too precious to pass by worrying about one little thing that shouldn't even be happening.
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Halloween was yesterday! It didn't feel like Halloween at all, other than the fact that we had two huge bowls of candy that children never came for (that candy now has a special devotion to my belly) and my sister, her boyfriend, and I carved pumpkins!! Creepy zombie, wonky faces, elephants, and owl families created a mess of pumpkin goo so awful it took special squad forces to abolish! My pumpkin was beginning to rot and had a soupy set of guts instead of the fluffy intestines they usually have.. But fun nevertheless! And tonight!! We're roasting the seeds! (: yippee!!
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My work place is having a Halloween party for the customers tonight that I do not wish to attend.. It would be fun, but in the event of myself flipping my sleeping schedule back around, I am exhausted!! I just want to sleep.. /: we'll have to see how im feeling..
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Anyways!! Happy Halloween to all, and please feel free to leave comments regarding whatever! (:
Later, gaters!

Return of... Me!

I'm back!! So for those of you who were following.. I hope you're still there!!! (: I just got myself a blogger app! I wish I could type with the phone sideways, but oh well.

Anyways! My last post was about a guy who had a girlfriend.. I was still talking to him and his girlfriend found out (aw snap!) and she flipped on me. I'm an ugly home wrecker, a whore and a bitch.. Dontcha know (; anyways I'm chilling Til I hear from him about what the chizz happened.. Did she find out? Did he tell her? And most importantly.. Did he stand up for me? Such scary stuff.. Gah I wanna know /:

Most Vulnerable

     We used to talk a lot, last summer. I had the biggest crush on this kid.. I was crazy about him. And he liked me, too. But once he asked for a picture, I freaked and he thought I didn't like him anymore and took off. He came back this last February. We've been talking for five or six months now.. and we're close, that's for sure. But he has a girlfriend.. how awful is that? I'm falling for a guy with a girl.. Am I really that low? I mean sure, it's feelings from the past. Feelings that I didn't know were still there til these last few months.. and I wish I could act on them. But hurting her? I don't know this girl.. I've never met her in my life. But she's a person, for goodness sakes. I couldn't do that to her.. 

     I feel like I'm all over the place. I wonder if he'll end up coming to me sometime. I wonder if I'm who he wants, and he doesn't know it yet. I wonder if he'd leave me for someone else like I hope he'd leave her for me.. Does that make me a bad person for wanting that? For wanting him, even if it means he's leaving her? Oh goodness.. What am I doing?

     I know I care about him, and I'm not doing anything wrong, right? I'm talking to him. If anyone's wrong, it's him, right?? Because he has her there, and says he's kind of falling for me.. what does that mean? I feel so lost..

     I'm so lost...

How to be Happy, and Other Helpful Hints

After my boyfriend left, and I got ditched by the guy I met at an art show my pieces were being shown at (see me here: www.kendrakruse.blogspot.com ) I've been trying to find happiness. Really, it seems pretty lame that I don't have it without a guy, but I just want to feel loved. I know my family loves me, my friends do.. but I want a deep love. An intimate love.. I crave it. Is that so bad? /:

Roadside Summer Daisies..

Driving down the road, I see daisies. They peer up into the sunlight with joy and delight in their survival. They sway together in warm summer breezes, and gently nudge each other with giggling fevers. Their existence is so simple, so beautiful, yet many consider them weeds. They're considered roadside trash. Something to be rid of easily with one swipe of a mower.
     If it were up to me, I'd rid the world of mowers. I'd let those daisies grow on roadsides. I'd let them live. I'd sit in fields of wild daisies, and lay in their soft warmth and smile...
     I haven't posted anything in a while, and I'm curious to know if my followers would still follow. If a soul in the world, a random stranger, an unknown face, would care to stop and read my little post about roadside daises swaying to summer breezes. Maybe, if they did, they'd see the message. They'd look into what I'm saying. Maybe someone should listen... maybe I should remember it's their choice....