Return of... Me!

I'm back!! So for those of you who were following.. I hope you're still there!!! (: I just got myself a blogger app! I wish I could type with the phone sideways, but oh well.

Anyways! My last post was about a guy who had a girlfriend.. I was still talking to him and his girlfriend found out (aw snap!) and she flipped on me. I'm an ugly home wrecker, a whore and a bitch.. Dontcha know (; anyways I'm chilling Til I hear from him about what the chizz happened.. Did she find out? Did he tell her? And most importantly.. Did he stand up for me? Such scary stuff.. Gah I wanna know /:

Most Vulnerable

     We used to talk a lot, last summer. I had the biggest crush on this kid.. I was crazy about him. And he liked me, too. But once he asked for a picture, I freaked and he thought I didn't like him anymore and took off. He came back this last February. We've been talking for five or six months now.. and we're close, that's for sure. But he has a girlfriend.. how awful is that? I'm falling for a guy with a girl.. Am I really that low? I mean sure, it's feelings from the past. Feelings that I didn't know were still there til these last few months.. and I wish I could act on them. But hurting her? I don't know this girl.. I've never met her in my life. But she's a person, for goodness sakes. I couldn't do that to her.. 

     I feel like I'm all over the place. I wonder if he'll end up coming to me sometime. I wonder if I'm who he wants, and he doesn't know it yet. I wonder if he'd leave me for someone else like I hope he'd leave her for me.. Does that make me a bad person for wanting that? For wanting him, even if it means he's leaving her? Oh goodness.. What am I doing?

     I know I care about him, and I'm not doing anything wrong, right? I'm talking to him. If anyone's wrong, it's him, right?? Because he has her there, and says he's kind of falling for me.. what does that mean? I feel so lost..

     I'm so lost...

How to be Happy, and Other Helpful Hints

After my boyfriend left, and I got ditched by the guy I met at an art show my pieces were being shown at (see me here: www.kendrakruse.blogspot.com ) I've been trying to find happiness. Really, it seems pretty lame that I don't have it without a guy, but I just want to feel loved. I know my family loves me, my friends do.. but I want a deep love. An intimate love.. I crave it. Is that so bad? /:

Roadside Summer Daisies..

Driving down the road, I see daisies. They peer up into the sunlight with joy and delight in their survival. They sway together in warm summer breezes, and gently nudge each other with giggling fevers. Their existence is so simple, so beautiful, yet many consider them weeds. They're considered roadside trash. Something to be rid of easily with one swipe of a mower.
     If it were up to me, I'd rid the world of mowers. I'd let those daisies grow on roadsides. I'd let them live. I'd sit in fields of wild daisies, and lay in their soft warmth and smile...
     I haven't posted anything in a while, and I'm curious to know if my followers would still follow. If a soul in the world, a random stranger, an unknown face, would care to stop and read my little post about roadside daises swaying to summer breezes. Maybe, if they did, they'd see the message. They'd look into what I'm saying. Maybe someone should listen... maybe I should remember it's their choice....

Born or By Choice?

My Psychology teacher came upon the subject of gay/lesbian couples in society. Something he said set off a few students, first Devlyn, then Becky, and finally Matt. My teacher, Mr. Bay, informed us that being gay/lesbian was a choice said person made. His argument told us people decided to be gay/lesbian and therefore was... Devlyn, however, spoke up. (with courage, I may add, because Mr. Bay is really good at constructive arguments, such as this...) She told us people were born to be gay/lesbian. They have no choice, they think how they think and that's how it is. Becky agreed with Devlyn, placing additional ideas that aren't as important to the discussion. Matt, however, brought science into the discussion. He began describing the different chemicals in our bodies, and how when these chemicals are given off, you have urges.. And those who's chemicals give off for same sex are gay/lesbian.. therefore born with it. He also added several unimpressive examples that Mr. Bay proceeded to shoot down for their weakness.. Mr. Bay gave different reasons a person would become gay/lesbian.. (1. No need for opposing sex, 2. Influenced ideas from parents, both gay and streight, friends, others... 3. In search for a chance to see opposing sex, such as boys becoming gay so they can use the female locker room and see girls... etc...) He also added that due to the fact two men, or two women, failed to give birth to children on their own, they cannot be considered a family. He linked this to animals... saying a woman marrying a woman is like a woman marrying a horse. Neither can give birth to become a family. This discussion went on for a good amount of time, and really got me, and I'm sure everyone else, thinking about the subject...

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I would like your opinion. Are people gay/lesbian because they are born that way? Or is it their choice to become gay/lesbian for whatever reason, even if not listen above..? I personally know my opinion, and stand by it firmly, and if anyone wishes to know mine I can post a followup later about this discussion and include that. I do not wish to give that out now, though, just in case it somehow influences the feedback on this. But anyways... Give me some feedback, people! Just tell me your opinion, any reasons you have for feeling that way, any examples that led you to thinking that, anything related to the topic. Please no hate comments, I do not mean any disrespect towards gay/lesbian couples, as this is just a discussion.

Thanks for reading! (:

Pencil Sketch/ Phsychology

I'm getting so much inspiration from my art classes... The above sketch is what came out of it all! Now I'm working on perfecting faces in my drawing class, I'm working with oil pastels in painting, and helping the begining clay students wedge their clay in, yep, you guessed it.. clay class! (: My teacher even went as far as to let me spend my lunch in there! (the few friends I actually have, all go to a school program that eliminated their lunch time) So me and Mr. G spent lunch together today, and boy does the man like to talk... Everything from a friend sculpting brass, to some guy owning a hunting store, to him swearing to himself in his backyard one day! The guy's my alltime favorite teacher, and he trusts me so much from experice. I mean I've taken so many of his classes. (painting 3 times, clay 3 times, drawing twice, claymation once, and into to visual arts once) I guess you could call me dedicated...

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Thats right! I'm digging deep in my noodle in my Phsychology class. I'm absolutely loving it.. The fact that it is unlike any other class I've taken (in both material and the way it's presented) makes it fantabulicious.. and yes, its good enough to have words made up for it. My teacher is so funny, too! I have a good feeling I'm going to benefit from this class in a huge, personal way...

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I'm gonna say it again... any suggestions, I'm willing to hear them! I really want my blog to be something other than me talking about what I'm doing every day, because I have a feeling that will get boring. So, yeah, let me know! (:

Day One... Complete!

I've survived my first day as a Senior! Yay (: Not like I thought I wouldnt... But let's face it. Today was a long day.

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There's a thing at my school called "Senioritus" which is a 'disease' that seniors get. Apparently, it causes them to lose all motivation for school, and the work that comes with it, and tempts seniors to skip school and be lazy. I DO NOT believe in Senioritus... It's a load of bull fur (like my way around swearing?!?) and I feel there is no need for any person to settle for less than their best.

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I'm super psyched about my art classes! I have three in a row (with the exception of lunch thrown in there) and I'm excited to expand my skills! I will, if you feel you'd like that, post up some of my projects for you to see... I'd love feedback from another group of people! It can only help me improve.

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I've noticed I run out of topics to talk about very easily... If any of you have any suggestions on topics for me to discuss, just stick them in a comment and I'll get back to you or post about your topic. Absolutely anything is allowed (minus the obvious topics, such as my personal life in detail) and I really really hope to get some good ideas!!